the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
