Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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