Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
