so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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