So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
