Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
