so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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