Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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