he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize