forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
