New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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