It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
