i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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