nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
