either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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