i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
