Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just googled if crying burns calories
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
