Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
