I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
