If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize