we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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