Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
