Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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