Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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