this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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