In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
