I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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