Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
