i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
