Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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