Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wear drunk well.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
