Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
