hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
