Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My liver just had a heart attack.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
