There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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