What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
