I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
