do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
