hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
