Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do herpes really smell.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
