I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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