do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
