oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was like eating out sand paper
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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