make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
