I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
