One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
