I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
