I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
