Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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