Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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