hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
