Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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