dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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