I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
