oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
