Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
