Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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