Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
