just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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