i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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