Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
