We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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