Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize