my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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