At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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