i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
