Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
