I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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