Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
