Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So much Jack, so little girl.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
