yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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