Your dad touched me again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
