Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
