Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
