i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
