There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
